Living Life, Not Letting Life Live Me.

I have been pondering what to blog about for some time now. I have been telling myself that I have nothing to write about, well nothing exciting anyhow. But I have been lying to myself! I am very very good at lying to myself, by the way.

The truth is, I have been making some pretty big personal changes lately.

The first MAJOR thing is that I FINALLY and FULLY quit smoking. Now some of you may not have known that I smoked, some of you may have thought that I quit a long time ago, and most of you probably don't care all that much but up until November, I was still a smoker.

I began smoking when I was 15 and smoked pretty much consistently up until I met Chris 5 years ago. When I met Chris I cut back my daily smoking and became a "social smoker" or a "weekend smoker." I used this to convince myself (see above about my deceitful abilities) that I wasn't really a smoker because I didn't smoke during the week...I no longer smoked in my car...I didn't have cravings during the week, but as soon as the weekend hit I was a chimney!

During my unemployment period, the smoking leaked out into the weekdays for a while but went back to weekends, but the fact is I was still a slave. I am not sure how many of my blog readers can relate to smoking and quitting smoking, but for me I was very personally and emotionally attached to smoking. It was my crutch. It was the one thing that was in MY control. What likely started as an act of rebellion (attempt to control) held great power over me.

And believe me when I tell you that it was a very difficult and emotional decision for me to quit. It's not like I didn't know about the health risks, or how much Chris hated it, or how gross it was; it was MINE and I didn't want to give it up. And then I realized that I was just being selfish. I knew in my heart that I didn't want to be a smoker or have my children grow up around a smoker. I wasn't thinking about the fact that it could kill me, and perhaps there are people out there who actually don't want me to die. I was being just plain selfish.

***If there are any smokers out there reading this, please understand that this was my personal journey and I do not and never will judge a person for smoking.

So, once I finally decided it was time to quit (though at first, I still had that little liar in me whispering in my ear trying to convince me otherwise) I chose to see a hypnotist. And it worked! I have not had a single cigarette for over 2 months. And I feel that with the hypnotist I found a way to stay a non-smoker and taught myself not to hide behind the cloud of smoke anymore!

So with that first major step taken, it was time to take the next major step.

Steps to where, you ask? Well Chris and I are planning to start our family soon so getting me into tip-top physical and mental shape is our top priority right now.

So....step 2 is.....go off the medication...................................................................................

I have been medicated in one way or another since I was 8 years old. Chemical imbalances and whatnot. So this is a pretty HUMONGOUS step, and quite frankly terrifying.

But, so far WE are doing well. I say WE because Chris may suffer equally or perhaps more so through this process than me. Right now I am on week two of my step down and I expect to be completely medication free by the beginning of March. So, I guess I will let you know the true results in March...

To counter the potentially negative effects of this medication madness, Chris and I are working VERY hard to be more active. I am not trying to go to the gym, but just get active! We started going on long hikes every Sunday (typically about 5 miles 2-2 1/2 hours) and it has been awesome! We have taken the boys with us a couple of times, and though I was a typical nervous mother at first, they did great! And they just LOVE LOVE LOVE it! They love doing anything outside! So until it gets too hot (which isn't far off) we will keep doing our hikes and maybe even throw a Saturday in there somewhere. I am also working out a little each day on our wii fit, and eating healthy.

Just a general lifestyle overhaul no crazy diets, no weird workouts, just living healthy. And so far it is really nice.

Hopefully all this hiking will prove useful when Chris and I are treking around Europe in April!!!!!

I would like to end this long blog post (thanks for sticking with it) with a shout out to my hubby. Thanks for hangin in there with me and being so supportive and wonderful!